I recently read an excellent book called “Dream Stealers – How to stop your destiny being stolen by Jo Naughton” and it got me thinking. One of the dream stealers identified was comparing yourself to others, well these are my words, bear with me as I shed some more light.

If you are like me, sometimes when we hear the word dream stealer we think of things outside of us that could steal our dreams i.e. the enemy coming against us externally our job, family, health, finances, ministry etc but an area that is so important yet neglected at times is our mind, the Bible states in Proverbs 4:23, “So above all, guard the affections of your heart,[a] for they affect all that you are. Pay attention to the welfare of your innermost being, for from there flows the wellspring of life” (TPT). A healthy thought life is a powerful weapon against the kingdom of darkness and sadly when we do not pay attention to the welfare of our innermost being we are susceptible to the lies of the enemy. I want to focus on an area that has been so used by the enemy against us as women, comparing ourselves to others.

My Story

I had a really good friend who was constantly putting me down as a teenager, it was subtle at first, when we went clubbing it was always, the only reason the guys are talking to you is because they want to sleep with you, my legs are better than yours etc, someone might think this is childish stuff but it grew from there to comments about the University that I went to, things that were happening in my life were always frowned upon or negative comments that always seemed to act like a punch in the face when good things happened to me .

Although I was not a practising Christian at the time it did become clear that envy and jealousy were at the root of the situation. I wish I could tell you I dealt with it well but sadly I did not, I ended up withdrawing from a friendship that I really treasured. Let’s be clear, I am not a saint either; I battle with the temptation to be envious and jealous of others, through inward thoughts and comments I might make at times, but as I grow in my faith, I realise that jealousy and envy is really not God’s heart for me and at the root of it are insecurities that have not been dealt. We need to allow the love of God to penetrate our hearts so that we really believe that we are loved, and God has a unique plan for each one of us.

The Signs

Have you found yourself comparing yourself to others or do you have a friend who constantly compares herself to you? When we compare ourselves to others it can either make us think we are better than others or make us feel less than others. If you have a friend who is constantly comparing herself to you, I am sure you really do not want to be around her. Comparing ourselves with others can become insidious and rob us of celebrating others success whilst waiting for our own. It also robs us of our destiny, making us competitive rather than good friends, causing us to seek friendships with the wrong motives and ultimately living a life that is less than what God has for us.

Comparing ourselves can lead to jealousy and envy and they are like a set of twins where you find one you will find the other. I for one know that as I read the book I started thinking; are there areas of my life where I am envious or jealous of others? Sadly, we all battle and are tempted by this pair of twins, I think an awareness of the danger of comparing ourselves with others can help us be more conscious of situations where the enemy is bringing an invitation and we can resist the temptation.

God has a big storehouse in heaven and a unique path for each one of us, if others are experiencing what we desire we have access to the throne of heaven to ask for His gifts too and if we have not received it yet, let’s trust that God is preparing our gifts and knows what is best for us. When we compare ourselves to others, it steals the joy of living, makes us dissatisfied with our lives and leaves us unappreciative of what we already have. Comparing our lives with others is a recipe for discontentment, pride and intimidation, all strategies of the enemy to stop us from fulfilling our destinies.

If we have fallen prey to the enemy too many times in this area, let’s ask our Father God to show us in a deeper way who we are in Him, loved and chosen by Him with a unique plan and purpose. Let’s choose to build others up not pull them down through thoughts in our hearts and our actions. Comparing others to yourself will make you do that.
Let’s not allow pride in by constantly comparing ourselves to others and thinking that people are trying to be like us because we are doing similar things. Let’s not allow a superiority complex to creep in when we see someone doing something we might have done or wish to do, thinking that they are copying our ideas. God is the source of all ideas and He gives them to us His daughters.

Do you find it hard to congratulate or celebrate others when things are going well for them? Especially things that you desire?
Do you find yourself avoiding someone because of what they have or are doing?
Do you find yourself being cynical when things are going well for someone?
Engaging in conversations about someone’s success in an unhealthy way?

The Antidote

Thank God for your friends when things are going well for them.
Celebrate people that have what you want
Build your relationship with God, that way you know He cares about you and He will share his thoughts with you.
When you find yourself feeling envious or jealous refuse to entertain it and bless the friend instead
Remember God is the original creator and He is sharing His ideas with His children so that His Glory can fill the earth.
Be honest with God and tell Him where you are and admit it when you have fallen in this area, receive His forgiveness and love.

Healed for life is an excellent programme by Jo Naughton, the author of the book I mentioned at the start, it helps to lay down weights that hinder us from fulfilling our destiny, visit http://www.jonaughton.com/healed-for-life/uk/ for more details.

Let’s remember that we have a Father who is big enough and able to give each one of us what we need to fulfil His plans for us. Let’s be givers and lifters.